NoKier 2

The NoKier 2 is as real as the government's commitment to working people. Which is to say, it exists in concept, has been thoroughly focus-grouped, and will be delivered "eventually." We prefer the term "aspirational hardware."

You don't NEED them, but the Designer Specs Cam™ feature works best with official NoKier eyewear. These can be obtained through generous donors, or purchased separately. We recommend finding your own Lord Alli.

Tier 1 users receive priority everything: faster service, better features, and actual customer support. Tier 2 users receive the authentic British public services experience. Classification is determined by postcode, income, and whether you know someone who knows someone.

Refunds are available within 14 days, subject to a 6-8 week processing time, means testing, and approval from three separate departments. Tier 1 users may expedite this process. Forms available in triplicate upon request.

The FREE Speech Upgrade includes a one-way ticket to the USA. Airport pickup is subject to availability and Mr. Musk's posting schedule. We recommend bringing your own Cybertruck. X Premium subscription sold separately.

Your data is stored securely and will only be shared with partners, affiliates, government agencies, and anyone who asks nicely. You can request deletion, and we'll add it to the queue. Current wait time: 6-8 months.